Create a profile that tells a story about you. Don’t just throw up 5 random photos and ignore the biography section. Instead show photos that show your best traits and create a blurb about yourself that emphasizes your personality. Do this right and the profile practically gets matches for you.
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Jordan Silver.
Jordan Silver is a highly driven product marketing professional and CEO of the AI dating assistant DateChatAI. With his extensive experience helping singles create more valuable connections online, Jordan’s passion lies in developing and implementing innovative strategies that help singles navigate the complicated world of online dating.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I’ve always been fascinated by technology and loved building things. As a child I could always be found taking things apart and putting them back together. I loved to tinker. So much so I ended up turning it into a career. After spending years building products for banks, marketing agencies, and commerce brands I decided to build a product I thought would help people close to me, an AI powered dating assistant. Now I can help those who struggle to connect online and make the process smoother so that more men and women can go from talking on apps to actually meeting in person.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
I’ve always built products for organizations, but never anything like DateChatAI before. For years I had an idea on a product that can help singles communicate better on dating apps, but the technology to support the idea never existed. That changed though as soon as Open AI’s ChatGPT was released. After that everything changed. With ChatGPT I now had the technology necessary to build the ultimate AI dating assistant. Ultimately opening the door for thousands of singles to use and improve their ability to connect online in any dating app.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
When it comes to character in leadership, I think some of the most important traits are drive, resourcefulness, and humility. You must be willing to do whatever it takes, especially when times are tough and the situation doesn’t have any easy solution to get out of it. It takes that extra piece of grit to get you over the obstacle and onto the next stage of success in your business. Additionally, you have to be willing to be nimble and pivot at a moment’s notice, businesses can have the best plans, but more often then not that plan can change and you need to act accordingly. If not your business can die a quick death. Lastly, if you are unable to take criticism and take negative feedback constructively, then you’ll never grow as a leader and your ability to be effective will be greatly diminished.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Right now I am in the process of transitioning the customer base I’ve built with DateChatAI and creating a community of individuals looking to become better at dating and overall becoming better partners. With this mission I am expanding DateChatAI beyond the app and creating a community newsletter of dating advice and strategies to help individuals navigate the modern dating world more efficiently and become the best versions of themselves.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
My authority comes directly from the success of DateChatAI. Dating is challenging enough, but the overwhelming positive feedback I’ve received from users has solidified the value that DateChatAI offers. A lot of people bring a lot of good advice in the space of dating. I wanted to take it a step further by providing a straight forward and streamlined tool that would help singles navigate the hardest part of modern dating, turning a prospective app match into a real world date.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
One of the root causes that leads people to not finding love shockingly comes from an unwillingness to try in the first place. There are lots of ways to meet singles, whether its dating apps, in person, blind dates, etc. but people have become so discouraged by the competitiveness of dating in the modern age that most don’t even want to try and essentially give up. One of the reasons I developed DateChatAI was to solve the frustration of online dating. Men tend to struggle with finding the right words to write, making their chances of finding a match inherently more difficult. Conversely, women have so many matches that they get overwhelmed and don’t have time to respond to all of them. With DateChatAI I give men a tool to find the right words and women a way to expeditiously respond to more prospective men with less effort.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
One of the biggest misconceptions of finding love in the modern world is the viewpoint that dating apps are just tools for hook ups. This is completely wrong. In fact dating apps are more and more becoming the best place to find a serious partner and companion. If you are ignoring dating apps, you are ignoring a massive pool of potential mates who could be perfect for you. If you have reservations about dating apps, I would strongly recommend you take the leap and try them out. Go on dates and see how it goes. There is no silver bullet for finding the perfect partner, but with dating apps you now have the opportunity to meet with people you would never normally have the chance to interact with.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
My advice is be willing to adapt. At the end of the day dating is a numbers game and essentially a form of sales and marketing. Though in this case the product you are selling is yourself. Luckily though, you have a unique 1 of 1 product so you have something special. That being said, you need to market yourself in the proper way so that you can find the best match for you. If you’re not getting results, don’t get frustrated, look at what you are doing and try something new. Unless you’re in a small town of 100 people, you will have endless opportunities to try. So don’t be afraid to test out different pictures, different conversation styles, and different approaches. After enough testing you will find out what works best for you and have so many potential suiters you won’t know what to do with all the options. The only thing you can do to sabotage yourself is to never try in the first place.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
Social media can be an excellent way to meet people and build genuine relationships, but in order to do it correctly you need to play the game. That game follows quite a few principles to digital marketing. A few tricks I recommend to improve your odds include:
- Choose prospective partners who are realistic. Randomly DMing a celebrity with 20 million followers on Instagram and expecting a response is a recipe for disaster, choose people who are possibly in your circle or adjacent to your group of friends and use that as a way to start a conversation or introduce yourself.
- Whichever social media account you use for dating, make sure it has high quality and interesting pictures of you. First impressions matter and this is the first thing any potential mate will see when considering you as a match.
- When starting a conversation, look for something interesting or unique about them to talk about. Generic responses like “Hey”, “How’s your day”, “Want to go out” will almost always be ignored. Instead try asking them about a unique photo they have or if you know them through a friend, make a conversation sparked around how you both know the same person.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Dating apps are a little more straight forward then social media, since the purpose is to find dates there. That being said, there are a lot of mistakes I see people make that are drastically hurting their ability to find quality matches. Some simple things you can do to improve your ability to meet people online include:
- Create a profile that tells a story about you. Don’t just throw up 5 random photos and ignore the biography section. Instead show photos that show your best traits and create a blurb about yourself that emphasizes your personality. Do this right and the profile practically gets matches for you.
- Similar to social media when starting a conversation for the first time, skip the generic “Hey, how was your weekend”, and start a deeper conversation that will spark their curiosity and interest. Bonus points if you can find something in their profile that is unique about them. The more obscure the better. You want to stick out by talking about something that they haven’t heard 1000 times before.
- Lastly, keep the conversation on dating apps short and sweet. A common misconception is that people want to talk for days on end in dating apps to feel comfortable before asking someone out. In reality you actually want to do the opposite. Once you have matched with someone you should be asking them out on a date in about 3 messages. Why? The reason is you’ve already done the hard part and matched with them, so implicitly you both are attracted to each other. Now you just need to setup an in person date. This can be very nuanced though and not a one size fits all situation. Sometimes you can ask someone out quickly, other times people do want to talk a little more before going on the in person date. You just need to feel out the situation by person to person.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
The most important thing I would say when it comes to real life physical spaces is just go for it and ask the person out. When it comes to meeting someone in a physical space, chances are you will never see them again or will have limited opportunities so don’t wait for the opportunity to pass you by, just walk up to them and try to start a conversation. The upside is endless while the worst case scenario is 2–3 seconds of discomfort. The biggest enemy of physical space romance is most people are unwilling to engage in the first place. Just go for it.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
This can be a very delicate situation. If you work for a small organization, I would avoid it outright since there is so little upside and a lot of downsides come with seeing someone who rejected you on a daily basis. Not to mention potential issues with HR. That being said, if you work for a large company then it can be fairly similar to meeting someone in any other physical space. The one caveat I’d say is avoid trying to date anyone in your immediate department. Focus on people who are outside of your department or adjacent to it. That way if it doesn’t work out you don’t have to deal with the daily awkwardness of seeing that person day to day.
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
Simply said, vulnerability and authenticity are an absolute requirement for finding meaningful connections and love. If you’re looking for something casual this will not necessarily help you, but for someone seeking a serious and committed relationship vulnerability and authenticity are an absolute requirement. Additionally, being authentic and vulnerable simplifies the dating process because you want the person you’re dating to know who your true self is, not some act you are putting on. If they don’t like the true version of you, then they were never right for you in the first place. And that is ok! You’re not looking to date EVERYONE, you just want to find something real.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Willingness to try. So many people are discouraged by dating that they have opted out of trying in the first place. Put yourself out there and don’t give up. Actually if you are reading this and don’t know where to start, I challenge you to this. For the next 4 weeks ask 5 people out a day with the goal of getting rejected. If you do this, you will go into the mindset much more relaxed and moreover, after putting in that much effort over that period of time, shockily you will see how many people actually want to date you.
2 . Embrace all potential avenues for dating. Don’t limit yourself to one specific ideal you have in your head. Try everything. That includes dating apps, social media, irl experiences, and everything in between. Don’t let any opportunity pass you by. The more opportunities you give yourself, the better your odds.
3 . Work on yourself. If you want a certain type of person, envision the person they would be attracted to and try to emulate them. The better you are as a person, the more people you will attract and the better your odds will be at finding love. Nobody ever thought it was unattractive when you got more in shape, took your career more seriously, and wanted to improve yourself.
4 . Be realistic. Dating is very challenging and if you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and your potential dates you will be miserable with your lack of success. If you have never been on a date in your life, don’t expect to go on dates 7 days a week or have 100 potential matches beckoning at your door. Learning how to meet and date is a skill like anything else. Learn how to be better at it by putting in the effort and hours of work necessary to get you there.
5 . Test, test, and test your dating strategies. People think they know how dating works, but the truth is it’s a complicated social system that is constantly. Be willing to try new approaches, new types of people, and new ideas when it comes to dating. The more you test the more you’ll be able to understand what works for you and more importantly what attracts the type of people you want.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
One book I think would help a lot of people, especially if you have no idea what to do, is read the book “The Game, by Neil Strauss”. It gives a very foundational understanding of what it takes to successfully meet new people and a plethora of ideas on ways you can become a better more attractive mate. It’s no one size fits all solution, but if you are struggling to find anyone to date, then I think this book is a great place to get you from 0 to 1.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Somewhat off topic, but one movement I would love to be able to influence further is the welfare of animals, specifically dogs. I’ve always volunteered with foundations and have adopted dogs myself, but one of my long term passions is to further the philanthropic impact I make on the rescue animal community. And if I’m really lucky and work very hard start my own foundation myself.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
If you’re looking for more advice on the world of dating, the easiest way would be to join my newsletter at DateChatAI.com. Where I provide regular advice, tips, and tricks on how to date more effectively.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Jordan Silver of DateChatAI On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.