Lynda Martin of Attached NY Marriage & Family Therapy On How to Recover From Being a People Pleaser

An Interview With Brooke Young & Yitzi Weiner

Seek Support and Encouragement: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your journey toward healthier boundaries. Trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can offer encouragement and guidance, helping you navigate challenges and doubts along the way.

In today’s society, the tendency to prioritize others’ needs and expectations over one’s own can lead to significant emotional and psychological challenges. In this series, we would like to explore the complex dynamics of people-pleasing behavior and its impact on individual well-being and relationships. We would like to discuss the root causes of people-pleasing behavior, its effects on personal and professional life, and practical steps for cultivating healthier relationships and self-esteem. We hope that this series can provide insights, strategies, and real-life experiences that can help individuals navigate and overcome the pitfalls of being a people pleaser. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Lynda Martin.

Lyn leads Attached NY Marriage & Family Therapy, a practice focused on developing specialized approaches to trauma and healing. With a strong foundation in somatic work, Lyn focuses on guiding clients through their personal journeys of recovery and self-discovery. Their commitment to creating a supportive and inclusive environment is central to the practice’s philosophy. As Attached NY grows, Lyn’s vision remains dedicated to expanding the reach of their transformative therapeutic services.

Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?

In a small section of what was widely regarded as a safe town in the Bay Area, my neighborhood stood in stark contrast to the surrounding perceptions of safety and privilege. Here, the threat wasn’t from the streets but from within the homes, where many adults posed a danger to the children around them. With the realities of abuse being systematically minimized and hidden away, abusers being told to take a walk around the block as the number one intervention in any abusive call to authorites. This disparity between the apparent wealth and progressive nature of our town, and the hidden dangers within my neighborhood painted a complex picture of the world for me. One that I now value, but struggled to understand at the time.

Growing up with these contradictions, I learned early on the value of being unobtrusive and agreeable as a means of self-preservation. This skill, however, positioned me to be a confidante for others’ pain and secrets. Before I could even grasp the full spectrum of human emotion and relationship dynamics, I was entrusted with stories of abuse and suffering that were far beyond my years to comprehend. The role of secret keeper, while initially felt like an honor, gradually revealed its toll on my emotional well-being.

These early experiences have profoundly shaped the therapist and person I am today. They have not only refined my ability to connect with empathy but have also deepened my commitment to tackling trauma and fostering healing across the varied landscapes of the communities I work with. My journey from a child trying to understand what to do with all these untold secrets to a therapist who can now, not only hold stories but be with someone in their trauma, hold their hand while they walk through it, and see a potentially new reality all without losing sight of myself, has been a wild ride.

Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?

Transitioning into therapy, I’ve learned to navigate the balance between empathy and self-care. I look back and am so proud of my shift from absorbing others’ traumas, to now in my current professional life, where I can listen deeply without being overwhelmed. It feels like I can actually do something other than being a holder of secrets, and that has drastically changed how I see myself and healing.

My journey here wasn’t straightforward. A learning disability made school a challenge, I barely finished high school, was unsure about a future beyond my hometown. It was meeting my husband that changed my perspective, he helped me to see I was far more capable than I ever let myself imagine.

His belief and encouragement along with hours spent talking about therapy and trauma with my best friend’s mom (who was also a therapist) pushed me to challenge myself and apply for graduate school. Though she passed before I ever started, I’m not sure I would be here without her.

By now I can embrace the randomness of life and can deal with the unexpected with minimal panic. This was especially apparent, last August, when faced with one of the scariest changes I have ever made professionally, opening my own practice in a matter of weeks. Attached NY Marriage & Family Therapy, alongside Fresh Path, is a reality I could have never imagined. To be surrounded by amazing therapists who all share (or at least put up with) my passion for all things learning. They allow me to nerd out on Canva presentations with whatever new exciting topic or intervention I’ve found. The transition is stressful, but I’m grateful for the people I have supporting me.

Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about People Pleasing. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “People Pleaser” mean to you?

To me, a “People Pleaser” is someone who exhibits three key traits:

High sensitivity to the feelings of others.
The tendency to prioritize others’ emotions over their own, often at the expense of their well-being.
A strong inclination towards maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict, even if it means enduring personal pain or discomfort.

On the surface, it seems like being a person who wants to please others is a good thing. Can you help articulate a few of the challenges that come with being a people pleaser?

On the surface, the adaptability and helpfulness of people pleasing seems like an admirable trait. However, for individuals entrenched in people-pleasing behavior, numerous challenges emerge:

Conflicting Rewards: Unlearning people-pleasing tendencies can be immensely challenging, particularly because such behavior is often praised in both personal and professional contexts. The praise for being accommodating and selfless can create a confusing dynamic, making it difficult to break free from ingrained habits.
Identity Distortion: People-pleasing can become deeply ingrained in one’s identity, often masquerading as altruism. Phrases like “she’s so giving” or “he’d give the shirt off his back” are frequently touted as accolades, yet they can obscure the individual’s own needs and desires. Over time, this default response of prioritizing others over oneself can lead to a loss of connection with one’s own thoughts, emotions, and options.
Emotional Suppression: Constantly prioritizing others’ emotions over one’s own can result in the suppression of one’s own feelings. This suppression, or the inability to identify and express one’s emotions, can manifest in a myriad of physical and mental health issues. Without the ability to listen to our inner world, we may miss vital cues of danger, manipulation, or oppression, perpetuating a cycle of emotional imbalance and distress.
Physical and Mental Health Implications: Emotions and instincts serve as crucial navigational tools in our lives, guiding us towards safety and fulfillment. When these emotions are consistently disregarded or suppressed in favor of others’ needs, it can lead to a range of physical and mental health issues. Mood imbalances, anxiety, depression, insomnia, headaches, and even heart disease can arise from neglecting one’s own emotional well-being in service of others.

Does being a people pleaser give you certain advantages? Can you explain?

Yes, just like most protective patterns, people-pleasing comes with some very helpful skills. It’s often the degree to which they are used that causes issues for the person. Here are some of the skills that people pleasers often have:

Interpersonal Skills: People pleasers often possess a heightened ability to attune to others’ emotions, facilitating the development of close relationships and fostering intimacy in partnerships. This sensitivity can be particularly beneficial in parenting, where understanding and responding to a child’s emotions are paramount.
Big-Picture Thinking: The inclination to prioritize others’ needs can also translate into an ability to zoom out and see the bigger picture, beyond one’s own narrow perspective. This skill can be valuable in professional settings, enabling people pleasers to navigate complex situations and collaborate effectively with colleagues.
Emotional Regulation: While people-pleasing behavior may involve tuning out one’s own emotions, there are instances where this skill can be advantageous. During conflict or crisis situations, the ability to temporarily dial down one’s emotions can help maintain calm and facilitate decisive action. However, it’s essential for people pleasers to also learn to address their own emotions rather than suppressing them entirely.
Effective Crisis Management: In times of crisis, people pleasers often excel at keeping calm and organizing others into action. Their capacity to set aside personal emotions and focus on the task at hand can be invaluable in urgent situations, where quick decision-making is required.
Parenting Skills: People pleasing can also be an asset in parenting, as it enables individuals to tune into their child’s emotions without allowing their own feelings to overshadow the situation. This ability to remain attuned to others while maintaining emotional balance can facilitate effective communication and support for the child’s emotional development.

While these strengths can be advantageous in various contexts, people-pleasers must maintain a healthy balance and learn to address their own emotions to avoid potential pitfalls associated with chronic people-pleasing behavior.

Can you describe a moment in your life when you realized that your own people-pleasing behavior was more harmful than helpful?

A personal moment of clarity that has helped me re-shift some of my people-pleasing patterns happened in my therapy a few years ago. I remember feeling incredibly burnt out during one of my therapy sessions. I was venting about how I constantly felt obligated to show up for others, to offer them care and assistance at every turn. I expressed my frustration, saying that if I were to start saying no, I wouldn’t be seen as useful anymore. That’s when my therapist made a remark that stuck with me. She said, ‘Interesting, useful. You know, a broom is useful. But do you really want to be a broom?’ It was a simple yet profound question that made me pause and rethink my approach to self-worth and boundaries. It was like finally seeing the disconnect between my beliefs about myself and my beliefs for others.

In your opinion, what are the common root causes of people-pleasing behavior?

There are various reasons why individuals adopt people-pleasing behavior, often rooted in early experiences and learned coping mechanisms:

Desire for Acceptance and Belonging: Many people learn that prioritizing others’ needs allows them to fit in, avoid conflict, and gain a sense of belonging within social groups. This behavior may stem from a belief that offering niceness or helpfulness is a means of proving one’s worth or value to others.
Conditioning in Certain Identities: Individuals from marginalized or stigmatized identities may internalize the notion that being agreeable or accommodating is necessary for survival in predominantly privileged or dominant groups. In environments where they face oppression or discrimination, engaging in people-pleasing behavior can serve as a protective measure to avoid judgment, criticism, or even danger. This behavior is not a result of inherent unhealthy tendencies but rather a response to the unhealthy dynamics present in their environment, where prioritizing others’ needs over their own becomes a means of self-preservation.
Experiences in Dysfunctional Environments: People raised in families or groups where substance use or other forms of instability are prevalent often learn to prioritize others’ emotions and needs as a means of survival. In such environments, children may develop hyper-awareness of subtle cues to anticipate and manage caregivers’ unpredictable behaviors. This learned behavior of prioritizing others’ needs over their own can become deeply ingrained and carry into adulthood.
Coping with Caregiver Dynamics: Children who grow up in environments where caregivers alternate between affection and aggression or unpredictability may develop a heightened sensitivity to others’ emotions. In order to maintain safety and stability, these children may learn to suppress their own feelings and prioritize others’ needs, often at great personal cost.
Avoidance of Emotional Discomfort: People-pleasing behavior can also stem from a learned aversion to experiencing and expressing one’s own emotions. In environments where emotional expression is discouraged or met with aggression, individuals may learn to disconnect from their feelings as a means of self-preservation.

How does people-pleasing behavior impact personal relationships?

People-pleasing behavior can have significant implications for personal relationships, particularly in the context of long-term partnerships:

Underlying Resentments: In long-term relationships, people-pleasing behaviors can manifest as a form of manipulation. While one may appear easy-going and accommodating on the surface, underlying feelings of resentment can build up over time. This can lead to moments of frustration or anger when plans change unexpectedly or when unspoken expectations are not met. Partners may feel blindsided or betrayed when these hidden frustrations surface, as they may have assumed that everything was fine based on the outward behavior of the people-pleaser.
Lack of Authenticity and Intimacy: People-pleasing behavior can also hinder the development of authentic intimacy within personal relationships. When individuals prioritize others’ needs over their own and suppress their true feelings and desires, it creates a barrier to genuine connection. This lack of authenticity can result in a sense of distance or detachment between partners, as the people-pleaser may struggle to fully trust the relationship or be honest about their own needs and feelings. This can lead to confusion and conflict within the relationship, as both partners may struggle to understand the root cause of the distance between them.

How does people-pleasing behavior impact professional relationships?

People-pleasing behavior can have significant implications for professional relationships:

Perceived Dependability: Colleagues or clients working with a people pleaser may appreciate their willingness to go above and beyond to help out in a pinch. This can foster a positive dynamic in the workplace, where individuals feel supported and valued by their team members.
Unhealthy Dynamics: While being reliable and supportive can be positive traits in a professional setting if people-pleasing behavior stems from a fear of saying no or a lack of confidence in asserting boundaries, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics. Constantly prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own can result in burnout and resentment, ultimately undermining the effectiveness and well-being of the individual and the team.
Importance of Boundaries: Addressing people-pleasing behavior in the workplace is crucial for maintaining a healthy work environment. Learning to set and enforce boundaries is essential for preventing burnout and ensuring that individuals are able to prioritize their own well-being while still contributing effectively to the team.
Promoting Self-Advocacy: Encouraging individuals to assert themselves and communicate their needs and limitations fosters a culture of respect and collaboration in the workplace. By empowering employees to prioritize self-care and advocate for themselves, organizations can create a more sustainable and supportive work environment for everyone.

How can long-term people-pleasing behavior impact an individual’s mental health?

Long-term people-pleasing behavior can have profound implications for an individual’s mental health:

Emotional Suppression: Constantly prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own can lead to the suppression of one’s own emotions. This can result in a buildup of unresolved feelings, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Without outlets for expression and processing, individuals may find themselves overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to a decline in mental well-being.
Neglect of Self-Care: People pleasers often neglect their own needs, wants, and desires in order to accommodate others. This neglect of self-care can manifest in various ways, including neglecting routine medical or dental appointments, foregoing therapy or other forms of support, and failing to engage in activities that bring them joy and fulfillment. Over time, this can lead to increased levels of stress and exacerbation of existing mental health issues.
Physical Health Implications: The neglect of self-care and chronic stress associated with people-pleasing behavior can have significant implications for physical health. Studies have shown that chronic stress can contribute to the development of heart disease, chronic pain, and other medical conditions. Additionally, the lack of preventive care and attention to one’s own well-being can result in late diagnoses or undermanaged health conditions, further impacting overall health and well-being.
Cycle of Strain: The interplay between emotional suppression, neglect of self-care, and physical health implications can create a vicious cycle of strain on the body and mind. As mental and physical health issues exacerbate one another, individuals may find themselves trapped in a cycle of declining well-being, making it increasingly challenging to break free from people-pleasing behaviors and prioritize their own needs.

By recognizing the impact of long-term people-pleasing on well-being, individuals can take steps to prioritize their own needs and cultivate healthier patterns of behavior. Again, there are skills that people-pleasers excel at and are inherently not unhealthy and may even be positive interpersonally. It’s often about re-shaping the skills to serve the person along with others instead of making others the priority.

In your experience, what is the role of self-awareness in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, and how can individuals cultivate it?

Self-awareness plays a crucial role in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, yet it can be a challenging skill for individuals entrenched in such behavior to cultivate. Here’s why:

Understanding Personal History: People-pleasing behavior often stems from early experiences, such as the need for safety and belonging in childhood. Individuals may have learned to prioritize others’ needs over their own as a means of survival, leading to a lack of self-awareness regarding their own emotions and needs.

Developmental Milestones: In environments where caregivers are unable to accurately reflect and respond to a child’s emotions, crucial developmental milestones related to emotional identification, tracking, and validation may be missed. As a result, individuals may struggle to tune in and listen to their own emotions, making self-awareness feel like a foreign language.

Emotional Vocabulary: While people-pleasers may be adept at recognizing and describing others’ emotions, they often lack the vocabulary and understanding to describe their own feelings and experiences. This can hinder their ability to cultivate self-awareness and connect with their inner emotional landscape.

Here is the primary question of our discussion. Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Strategies Or Techniques That Can Help Individuals Break Free From The Cycle Of People-Pleasing”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.

Identify the Root of People-Pleasing:

Explanation: Take time to delve into your personal history and experiences to uncover the underlying reasons behind your people-pleasing tendencies. This involves reflecting on past relationships, childhood experiences, and societal influences that may have shaped your behavior. Understanding the root cause of your people-pleasing can provide valuable insight into why you engage in this behavior and lay the foundation for change.
Example: During therapy sessions, an individual explores their childhood experiences and realizes that they learned to prioritize others’ needs as a way to gain love and approval from their parents. They recall instances where they were praised for being helpful and accommodating, reinforcing the belief that their worthiness depended on meeting others’ expectations. This insight helps them recognize the origin of their people-pleasing behavior and its impact on their adult relationships.

Understand the Underlying Needs:

Explanation: Delve deeper into the emotional needs that drive your people-pleasing tendencies. Consider whether these needs can be met through alternative means that align with your values and well-being.
Example: Recognizing their fear of rejection as a driving force behind people-pleasing, the individual explores ways to build self-confidence and seek validation from within rather than relying solely on external approval. They engage in self-compassion practices and cultivate a sense of self-worth independent of others’ opinions.

Weigh the Consequences:

Explanation: Before engaging in people-pleasing behavior, carefully consider the potential consequences for yourself, others involved, and the overall situation. Assess whether the short-term benefits outweigh the long-term costs.
Example: When considering taking on additional tasks at work to please their boss, the individual weighs the potential impact on their workload, stress levels, and overall well-being against the desire for recognition and approval. They recognize that overcommitting may lead to burnout and compromise their health and work-life balance.

Give Yourself a Choice:

Explanation: Recognize that you have the power to choose how you respond to situations, rather than defaulting to people-pleasing behavior out of habit or obligation. Practice mindfulness and self-reflection to become aware of your automatic responses.
Example: Faced with a request that goes against their values, such as working overtime without proper compensation, the individual acknowledges that they have a choice in whether to agree or assert their boundaries. They consider alternative responses and prioritize their well-being over external validation.

Practice Boundary-Setting:

Explanation: Actively set and maintain boundaries in your interactions with others to protect your well-being. Boundaries are all about protecting your energy, not trying to change anyone else’s experience or emotions. Assertively communicate your needs, preferences, and limits while respecting those of others. Make each side at least equal when considering your boundaries, ideally prioritizing yourself.
Example: Setting a time boundary, the individual politely declines invitations to social events when they need personal time to recharge, clearly communicating their availability and self-care needs. They practice assertive communication techniques to express their boundaries without feeling guilty or obligated to comply with others’ expectations. For me hearing and seeing this in action is really helpful to finding how I will actually start implementing changes. So here are some examples of what setting boundaries might sound like this:

Practice Boundary-Setting:

Boundaries: Actively practice setting and maintaining boundaries in your interactions with others. Boundaries are limits or guidelines that you establish to protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Assertive communication involves expressing your needs, preferences, and boundaries clearly and respectfully, while also respecting the needs and boundaries of others.
Time Boundaries: When setting a boundary around time, you might say, “I’d love to attend the event, but I have a prior commitment and need to leave by 8 p.m.” This communicates your availability while also honoring your need for personal time and space. It’s a gentle way to assert your boundaries while still participating in social activities.
Workload Management: In a work setting, you could assertively communicate your workload by saying, “I appreciate the opportunity to take on additional tasks, but I already have several deadlines to meet this week. I’m happy to help out where I can, but I may need some support prioritizing my workload to ensure everything gets done on time.”
Values and Preferences: When faced with a request that goes against your values or boundaries, you could assertively decline by saying, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not comfortable participating in that activity. It’s important to me to maintain my integrity and align with my values.”
Personal Space and Self-Care: Setting boundaries in relationships might involve expressing your needs and expectations directly. For instance, you could say to a friend or partner, “I need some alone time tonight to recharge. I appreciate your understanding and support in giving me the space I need.”
Addressing Unwanted Behavior: Assertively addressing unwanted behavior or boundaries being crossed might involve saying, “When you interrupt me during meetings, I feel disrespected and it disrupts the flow of our discussions. In the future, I’d appreciate it if you could wait until I’ve finished speaking before interjecting.”

What steps should people pleasers take to establish healthier boundaries?

Establishing healthier boundaries involves a series of steps for people-pleasers:

Start with Small Changes: Initiate boundary-setting by addressing basic needs such as personal time or meal choices. Begin with manageable adjustments to build confidence in asserting your needs.
Consistency is Crucial: Once boundaries are set, maintain consistency in enforcing them. Despite initial discomfort, sticking to boundaries reinforces self-care practices and communicates your needs effectively.
Acknowledge and Accept Discomfort: Recognize any discomfort or guilt that arises when asserting boundaries. Embrace these feelings as natural parts of the growth process, allowing yourself to navigate them without judgment.
Gradually Expand Boundaries: Challenge yourself to expand boundaries gradually. Practice saying “no” to requests or obligations that do not align with your priorities, gradually increasing your comfort level in setting limits.
Seek Support and Encouragement: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your journey toward healthier boundaries. Trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can offer encouragement and guidance, helping you navigate challenges and doubts along the way.

How can someone who is naturally empathetic maintain their compassion while becoming more assertive?

Absolutely!! Being assertive can actually allow us to be more empathetic and compassionate. We will always have more capacity to give and consider others when we are fully nourished and cared for. We can do this by reframing our understanding of empathy and compassion:

Reevaluate Definitions: Recognize that empathy and compassion involve more than just accommodating others’ needs at the expense of your own. Understand that true compassion includes acceptance and respect for oneself and others, acknowledging that discomfort and boundaries are natural parts of human interaction.
Embrace Self-Compassion: Understand that setting boundaries and prioritizing your well-being is an act of self-compassion, not selfishness. Allow yourself to acknowledge and honor your own needs and emotions, recognizing that self-care is essential for maintaining empathy and compassion in the long term.
Balance Empathy with Boundaries: Learn to integrate empathy with assertiveness by considering the impact of your actions on both yourself and others. Rather than solely focusing on alleviating others’ discomfort, prioritize authenticity and integrity in your interactions. Understand that setting boundaries can actually foster healthier relationships by promoting mutual respect and understanding.
Model Healthy Behavior: Lead by example in demonstrating healthy boundaries and self-care practices. By honoring your own needs and setting firm boundaries, you not only prioritize your well-being but also empower others to do the same. Show compassion by respecting others’ autonomy and agency, allowing them to navigate their own emotions and experiences.

What are the most common misconceptions about people pleasers, and how do these misconceptions affect their journey toward recovery?

Myth: People pleasers are submissive or weak.

There is a common misconception that people pleasers lack assertiveness and strength, simply because they prioritize others’ needs and strive to maintain harmony in relationships. However, kindness and empathy are not signs of weakness; they require resilience and compassion. People pleasers often demonstrate remarkable strength in navigating complex interpersonal dynamics and accommodating others’ needs, despite facing their own challenges and limitations.

Myth: People pleasers lack depth or authenticity.

Another misconception about people pleasers is that they lack depth or authenticity in their interactions. This assumption overlooks the inner wisdom and insight that many people pleasers possess. In reality, people pleasers often have a profound understanding of human emotions and relationships, but they may conceal their true thoughts and feelings to avoid conflict or rejection. Their reluctance to express themselves openly can lead others to underestimate their complexity and resilience.

What role can therapy or counseling play in helping individuals overcome people-pleasing behavior?

Of course I’m completely biased on this one! But I truly think therapy, when done right can be life-changing.Therapy can provide a supportive and nonjudgmental space for self-exploration and growth. Here’s how I’ve seen it work to support people trying to make changes in their patterns:

Self-Exploration: Therapy offers individuals the opportunity to delve into their thoughts, feelings, and behavioral patterns in a safe and confidential environment. Through guided reflection and exploration, individuals can gain insight into the underlying factors contributing to their people-pleasing tendencies, such as past experiences, relationship dynamics, and societal influences.
Increased Self-Awareness: Working with a therapist allows individuals to develop a deeper understanding of themselves, including their needs, values, and boundaries. By becoming more aware of their internal experiences and motivations, people pleasers can identify the root causes of their behavior and begin to challenge maladaptive patterns.
Skill Building: Therapists can teach individuals practical skills and techniques for assertiveness, boundary-setting, and self-care. This may involve learning how to communicate effectively, prioritize personal needs, and navigate challenging interpersonal dynamics. Through role-playing, homework assignments, and experiential exercises, clients can practice implementing these skills in real-life situations and gradually build confidence in asserting themselves.
Emotional Support: Therapy provides a supportive and validating space where individuals can express their emotions openly and without judgment. People pleasers often struggle with self-criticism and shame, but therapy offers a compassionate and empathetic presence that encourages self-acceptance and self-compassion. Having a therapist who believes in their potential and offers unconditional positive regard can be empowering for people pleasers as they work toward personal growth and change.
Accountability and Feedback: Therapists serve as allies and guides on the journey toward recovery from people-pleasing behavior. They offer accountability and feedback, gently challenging clients to confront their fears, resist old patterns, and take proactive steps toward change. By providing encouragement, validation, and constructive feedback, therapists help people pleasers stay motivated and focused on their goals, even when faced with setbacks or obstacles.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

My belief is based on my lived experiences and the career I’ve chosen. I don’t think there is one answer to this question, but given my expertise and passion here is what I would love to change in the world, amongst other things that I am far less qualified to speak on or make any meaningful suggestions on.

Bringing mental health into the world is a crucial need for all people. I would love to see a world where someone’s well-being and mental health were just as important as their ability to earn money, academic achievements or physical health needs. Here are the areas that I think would make this more of a reality. The biggest step, is changing the landscape of the therapy world, actually valuing healing and looking at the system as a whole more holistically. ( I also use the term therapy very loosely, therapy, to me, includes any healing modality that supports a person in tuning into themselves to create change in themselves or the world. I’m using the term therapy in my ideal change, because it’s what I do and know best.) Here are my suggestions for accomplishing this:

Paying Therapists Fairly: Recognizing the value of mental health professionals by ensuring they receive a reasonable wage for their expertise and services. This may involve advocating for fair reimbursement rates from insurance companies and government programs, as well as addressing disparities in income within the field.
Removing Gatekeeping Barriers: Working to eliminate barriers that prevent qualified individuals from entering the mental health profession and providing accessible pathways to licensure and certification. This includes addressing issues such as licensure portability, clinical supervision requirements, and educational debt burden.
Destigmatizing Mental Health: Promoting mental health awareness and destigmatizing therapy and counseling services to encourage more people to seek help when needed. This could involve public education campaigns, community outreach programs, and initiatives to normalize discussions around mental health and emotional well-being. This also mean recognizing healing spaces that represent specific cultures or environments. Mental health is not just about therapists and the medical model.
Prioritizing Mental Health in Policy and Practice: Advocating for policies and practices that prioritize mental health and wellness at the individual, community, and societal levels. This may include integrating mental health services into primary care settings, investing in prevention and early intervention programs, and addressing social determinants of mental health such as poverty, discrimination, and access to resources.
Systemic Changes: To truly diversify the mental health workforce, it’s essential to recognize and address the systemic barriers and injustices that have historically excluded marginalized communities from accessing and participating in mental health professions. This requires dismantling structural inequalities within educational, licensure, and employment systems that perpetuate disparities in opportunity and representation.
Undoing Historical Harm: Many marginalized and oppressed communities have been historically underserved, misrepresented, or even harmed by mental health systems. This includes pathologizing normal behaviors, perpetuating stereotypes, and imposing Eurocentric or Western-centric models of care. To build a truly inclusive and diverse mental health workforce, we must acknowledge and address this harm by centering the voices, experiences, and healing practices of marginalized communities.
Community Engagement and Empowerment: Meaningful diversity in the mental health workforce goes beyond simply recruiting individuals from diverse backgrounds. It requires actively engaging with and empowering communities to define their own mental health needs and solutions. This involves building partnerships with community organizations, supporting grassroots initiatives, and prioritizing culturally responsive and community-driven approaches to care.
Culturally Informed Training and Practice: Providing resources for training and professional development in culturally informed practice is essential for equipping mental health professionals with the knowledge, skills, and awareness needed to effectively serve diverse populations. This includes integrating decolonized, anti-oppressive frameworks, and trauma-informed care principles into education and training programs.
Policy and Advocacy: Advocating for policy changes at local, state, and national levels is critical for creating an environment that supports true diversity, equity, and inclusion in the mental health workforce. This includes advocating for funding and resources to support diversity initiatives, promoting workforce diversity goals, and addressing structural barriers to entry and advancement.

By addressing these systemic issues and prioritizing a holistic view of mental health, and those providing healing, we can create a more responsive, accessible, and culturally informed workforce that better meets the needs of all individuals and communities. This requires a concerted effort from policymakers, educators, practitioners, and advocates to dismantle barriers, undo harm, and foster healing and empowerment that start from the roots of each community.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

You can check out our website and blog at www.attachedny.com or follow us on IG @attached.therapy.ny

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!

About the Interviewers:

Brooke Young is a multipassionate publicist, public speaking mentor, and communication consulting. She works with a wide range of clients across the globe, and across a diverse range of industries, to help them create, develop, and promote powerful messages through heart-centered storytelling. She has formerly worked On-Air with FOX Sports, competed in the Miss America Organization, and is the Author of a Children’s Book. She frequently works with children as a professional speaker where she educates on Volunteering and Therapy Dogs. She has over a decade of professional performing background and finds joy in sparking creative passions for her clients.

Yitzi Weiner is a journalist, author, and the founder of Authority Magazine, one of Medium’s largest publications. Authority Magazine is devoted to sharing in depth “thought leadership interview series” featuring people who are authorities in Business, Tech, Entertainment, Wellness, and Social Impact.

At Authority Magazine, Yitzi has conducted or coordinated thousands of empowering interviews with prominent Authorities like Shaquille O’Neal, Peyton Manning, Floyd Mayweather, Paris Hilton, Baron Davis, Jewel, Flo Rida, Kelly Rowland, Kerry Washington, Bobbi Brown, Daymond John, Seth Godin, Guy Kawasaki, Lori Greiner, Robert Herjavec, Alicia Silverstone, Lindsay Lohan, Cal Ripkin Jr., David Wells, Jillian Michaels, Jenny Craig, John Sculley, Matt Sorum, Derek Hough, Mika Brzezinski, Blac Chyna, Perez Hilton, Joseph Abboud, Rachel Hollis, Daniel Pink, and Kevin Harrington

Yitzi is also the CEO of Authority Magazine’s Thought Leader Incubator which helps business leaders to become known as an authority in their field, by interviewing prominent CEOs, writing a daily syndicated column, writing a book, booking high level leaders on their podcast, and attending exclusive events.

Lynda Martin of Attached NY Marriage & Family Therapy On How to Recover From Being a People Pleaser was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.