Love yourself. If I can love me, I can love you. But if I don’t love myself, how can I treat you well? That would be it in a nutshell. If we get everyone to just love themselves and feel good about themselves, then everyone could be good and nice and treat others with kindness and love.
I had the pleasure of talking with Méchelle McCain, a woman who has navigated the bright lights of Hollywood and the harsh glare of a private life turned inside out, only to emerge on the other side with her own name and her own narrative. In a town built on smoke, mirrors, and carefully curated personas, McCain cuts a striking figure of raw pragmatism. She isn’t interested in the fairy tale version of the entertainment industry anymore. She is interested in the truth.
McCain’s story begins long before the red carpets and the Los Angeles skyline. She was a “college baby,” born in Florida while her mother was finishing a degree at FAMU. “I think that’s what gave me a little of my smarts and intelligence,” she says, noting that she was effectively attending class before she could walk. The family eventually settled in Houston, Texas — a decision made because her mother “didn’t like the red clay in Atlanta” — but McCain insists her spiritual coordinates are set further north. With parents hailing from Gary, Indiana, she describes herself as a hybrid: “I’m a Midwest girl with Southern hospitality.”
That Midwest grit was necessary early on. McCain graduated high school at sixteen, possessed by an artistic restlessness that Houston couldn’t quell. She recalls her mother trying to find her an agent in Texas two decades ago, an endeavor that hit a wall in a pre-Instagram world. But the pull of the West Coast was undeniable.
“My heartstrings were just pulling me to LA,” McCain recalls. The move itself plays out like a classic rock-and-roll origin story: a U-Haul, a mother-daughter duo, and a relentless drive west. “We drove 24 hours straight,” she says. “She said, ‘We’re not stopping. We’re going to keep going,’ and we made it here.”
Once in Los Angeles, McCain didn’t just dip a toe in; she was thrown into the deep end. She met her ex-husband, a rising comedic talent, and was immediately subsumed into the machinery of the entertainment industry. “It was like, ‘This is what you want? Okay. Here you go,’” she says.
For years, her life was adjacent to fame, offering her a front-row seat to the surreal nature of celebrity. She recalls a moment at a birthday party for Mariah Carey’s children, a surreal collision of the domestic and the iconic. “I remember seeing Mariah Carey… We were crossing paths because I was going to the restroom and she was like, ‘Hi.’ “It was such a surreal moment — meeting someone whose voice and presence were such a big part of my childhood” she said.
However, the glossy surface of Hollywood life eventually cracked. McCain found herself navigating a high-profile divorce, a process she describes not as a heartbreak, but as a brutal awakening to the business of separation. In California, divorce is an industry unto itself, and McCain found herself feeling isolated by the transactional nature of it all.
“You have your divorce attorneys, but their goal is to make money,” she observes with a sharp, cynical clarity. “Especially in LA… it’s just an opportunity to make a lot of money off of divorces.”
This period of deconstruction led to her latest reinvention. McCain realized that while there were plenty of people willing to litigate her life, few were willing to guide her through the emotional wreckage. “I realized, as I went through it, that support felt limited,” she says. This void inspired her upcoming book, When Sh!t Isn’t Funny Anymore.
Originally, she thought she was writing a simple guide to help others. The publishing industry, however, saw it differently. When she shopped the manuscript, publishers told her, “Oh, this is a memoir.” McCain initially resisted the label before accepting the truth. “Then I realized, ‘It is,’” she says. “A lot of times those things that make you feel embarrassed really help you analyze what you’re doing. You realize, ‘I’m not sharing what I really think I want to,’ and it lets you pivot.”
The book is a roadmap for the newly single, born from her own trial by fire. McCain emphasizes logic over emotion, a hard-won lesson from her own split. “I think [people] act erratically and emotionally,” she says of the common mistakes made during divorce. “If you act out of emotion instead of logic, you’re going to make decisions based on that… A year or two later you’re going to be looking at it and thinking ‘shoulda coulda woulda.’”
Her advice is practical, almost militaristic in its precision: Set boundaries, secure your finances, and reclaim your identity. “If you’re struggling and you personally have nothing left to give, how can you be good to others?” she asks. “Setting boundaries is the first thing you need to do.”
Beyond the book, McCain is refocusing on the Kids Love and Health Foundation, her nonprofit aimed at teaching children about nutrition — a critical mission in an era of processed foods and chemical additives. “We need to start with the children because the children are the future,” she asserts.
Ultimately, McCain’s journey from the passenger seat of a U-Haul to the driver’s seat of her own life is a testament to resilience. She isn’t selling a perfect life; she’s selling the tools to survive an imperfect one. When asked what movement she would inspire if she could, her answer is deceptively simple: “Love yourself. If I can love me, I can love you.”
For a woman who has seen the Hollywood dream from both sides of the curtain, Michelle McCain seems finally, and fully, content with her own reality. The journey, as she puts it, “has been a great ride. It’s not over yet.”
Yitzi: Michelle, it’s so nice to meet you. Before we dive in deep, our readers would love to learn about your personal origin story. Can you share with us the story of your childhood, how you grew up, and the seeds for all the amazing work that has come since then?
Michelle: Yes. I was born in Florida. My mom was at FAMU at the time, so I’m a college baby. I think that’s what gave me a little of my smarts and intelligence because I was in class with her while she was trying to finish her degree. Both of my parents are from Gary, Indiana, which is a very impactful city. From college, my mom and my dad moved to Houston, Texas, because it was a choice between Houston and Atlanta. My mom didn’t like the red clay in Atlanta, so she was like, “We’re going to Houston.”
I grew up in Houston, but I was raised in the roots of the Midwest — Gary, Indiana. I always say I’m a Midwest girl with Southern hospitality. My parents were very involved and impactful in my life. They had very high expectations of me, which I felt like I had to meet. I graduated at 16 and went to college for a little bit, but then came out to LA with dreams of being an actress because I think I just have artistry in my blood. So I moved out to LA, got married, started doing some acting, and had a family. Then I got divorced. It has been a great ride. It’s not over yet. The journey has been amazing. I’ve learned so many things and I think I’ve had a very full life so far.
Yitzi: Can you tell us the story of how you first got involved with the entertainment industry?
Michelle: As a kid, I would be in plays. My mom realized that I could remember my lines. She was so amazed by that and said, “I think she has something here.” She tried to get me an agent. I remember going on an interview with an agent, but it was Houston, Texas, 20-something years ago. It was just not the town for it then. We didn’t have Instagram or the internet like we do now. She tried, but she just didn’t have any luck.
I guess I got the bug again because, in Houston, I would do movies on my own. People just started asking me, “Hey, do you want to be in this? My friend is filming this. Do you want to be in it?”
I realized that I would only get so far staying in Houston. My heartstrings were just pulling me to LA. I had an uncle here, so we would always come to LA in the summertime. I knew I would be okay going because I had my uncle and my cousins. I thought, “You know what? I’m just going to do it.” I remember being in LA during the summer and saying, “I’m going to move here one day.” I said it and I made it my reality.
Me and my mom got a U-Haul truck and she drove most of the way. We drove 24 hours straight. She said, “We’re not stopping. We’re going to keep going,” and we made it here. I had other friends who had moved before me, so I stayed with them for a little bit. Then I was in LA and I hit the ground running. I met my ex-husband, who is in entertainment, and I immediately got thrust into the entertainment industry. It was like, “This is what you want? Okay. Here you go.”
Yitzi: You probably have some amazing stories from your career and maybe this is hard to single out, but can you share one or two stories that most stand out in your mind from your professional life?
Michelle: I’m not a starstruck person, but I remember taking my kids to a birthday party. It was Mariah Carey’s kids’ birthday party. I remember seeing Mariah Carey and I was just shocked because I grew up on her music. We were crossing paths because I was going to the restroom and she was like, Hi.” It was such a surreal moment — meeting someone whose voice and presence were such a big part of my childhood. I think now Instagram and the internet have made things so normal that it’s common to see celebrities; it’s not the same. Years ago, it was like seeing a person who has really impacted people’s lives and done so many things that changed lives unconsciously just from their gift.
Yitzi: There’s a saying that sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Do you have a story about a funny mistake that you made when you were first starting in entertainment and the lesson that you took away from it?
Michelle: Something that happened more recently would probably be when I was shopping my book. I was thinking, “I want a self-help book and I want to tell my story to help people.” I shopped it with publishers and they were like, “Oh, this is a memoir.” I said, “No, it’s not.” Then I realized, “It is.”
It made me take a step back. You think you know what you’re doing and you’re just so excited, but sometimes you have to take a moment to really analyze the situation. It taught me what I really felt, what was going on with me, and that I needed to reposition my book. A lot of times those things that make you feel embarrassed really help you analyze what you’re doing. You realize, “I’m not sharing what I really think I want to,” and it lets you pivot.
Yitzi: There’s another saying that “No” is not rejection but redirection. Do you have a story where that happened, where you got a “No” for an opportunity, but that led to another unexpected opportunity or discovery or success or blessing?
Michelle: It’s LA, so there are so many “No’s.” I think about roles that I’ve tried to get. You think, “I really, really want this role and this is for me.” Then you realize that it’s not because it flopped, or it just did not come out the way you expected, and you realize you didn’t want to be a part of that.
Yitzi: So, what’s been the most challenging project or role you’ve taken on so far and why?
Michelle: Being a single mother. I started off being a married mother. Becoming a single mother when I never was one was very challenging because when you’re used to something and it’s taken away, that’s harder. I think if you’ve never had something, you don’t know what you’re missing. But to have had it and then have it taken away… that was a lot because everything was solely on me, one hundred percent. Not having anyone else to lean on when I was used to that was difficult. There’s nobody like your partner to lean on because these are their kids too.
Yitzi: Tell us about all the exciting things you’ve been doing. Tell us about your book. Tell us about all the exciting projects you’re working on now.
Michelle: My divorce led me to write a self-help book becauseI realized, as I went through it, that support felt limited. You have your divorce attorneys, but their goal is to make money. Especially in LA, because of the way the state is set up, it’s just an opportunity to make a lot of money off of divorces. I would hear a lot of people telling me that they’re taking money from your family by doing this.
My mindset was that I felt emotional, but I had to be logical and realistic about what was really going on. I realized that there’s not many people to lean on. You can lean on your friends, and I do believe you can contact a therapist, but if someone hasn’t actually gone through a divorce, they can’t really guide you with the compassion side of it. At that time, that’s what you need. You need somebody to be realistic with you and be compassionate.
My book is a roadmap for that — all of the things that you need to think about when you’re going through a divorce. I think when you’re going through that, you need something foundational to lean on. Having this can make you feel more secure to get through this new journey of life that you’re about to embark on.
I also have my nonprofit, which I’ve had for years, but I’m reigniting it. It’s teaching kids how to eat healthy. That’s something that’s really important in our world now because we’re realizing there are so many chemicals in the food, and we’re admitting that these chemicals are leading to a lot of issues. We need to start with the children because the children are the future. teaching people and helping them get to a healthier lifestyle through knowledge is really important to me. Knowledge is power. Without the knowledge, how can you do better? You need to know what to do to be the best person you can be.
Yitzi: This is our central question, our signature question, the five things question. Based on your experience and what you’ve written in your book, can you share five things that you need to thrive during and after a divorce?
Michelle: Yes.
- Set boundaries. Boundaries are very important. I think a lot of people struggle with that because society teaches us to be nice, treat others well, and put people first. That’s a very humanitarian way to be, but if you’re struggling and you personally have nothing left to give, how can you be good to others? Setting boundaries is the first thing you need to do.
- Be honest and realistic about your situation. You really need to know what it is. I find that a lot of times women believe, “Oh, we’re going to get back together,” or, “This may just be a break.” But you need to really understand what’s going on. That’s something I struggled with. When you’ve been with someone so long, you think, “This can’t be happening. It’s not real.” You have to be honest with yourself.
- Reclaim your identity. You need to figure out who you are or who you want to be. This is a great time to pivot and to be the person that you’ve always wanted to be and do the things you wanted to do. This is the time for you.
- Look out for yourself. Self-care is very, very important. You need to make sure also that financially you’re taken care of. A lot of times in these situations women believe, “Oh, he’s always taken care of us. He’s going to.” But things change. New people come around and a lot of times people lose focus on their past priorities because this new priority is like a shiny new nickel. You just have to have everything in place. When everything is in writing and agreed upon, when this new person comes in, they have to respect what has already been in place so no one gets confused. Just do everything to make it smooth sailing.
- Lean on your community. Lean on your friends, family, and people who support you. If they don’t support you, don’t understand, or they take the other person’s side in your divorce, they are not your people. This is about being honest again, but you have to accept that people are going to choose one side or the other and it’s okay. You have to go with the people who choose you.
Yitzi: Some people are scared to get back out there and date again after being with their spouse for so many years and hearing dating horror stories. What would you say to motivate somebody to get back out there and start a new beginning?
Michelle: Just take baby steps. Go with a friend who is looking to date and just watch them. I love to watch this dating coach who gives different tips for women. He’s a man telling you, “Look, these are the different tips on what to do.” I think that if you just adopt some guidelines to start off, it helps. The first thing they say to do is just take a step. If you take that step, then the rest will follow and you will figure it out. At any time if you feel uncomfortable, go back in the house. You can always go home.
Yitzi: As you mentioned, the stress of divorce can take a toll on someone’s mental health and emotional health. In your opinion or experience, what are a few things you could do to alleviate the mental pain and anguish?
Michelle: I think the number one thing is to get a therapist. Mentally, you don’t need to be alone. You don’t have to deal with this by yourself and that is what a therapist is for. They know how to handle that mental anguish and they know how to give you the tools to help you get through it. That is the number one thing. Also, again, I believe in self-care. Loving on yourself, giving yourself grace, and just knowing that you are enough and you are loved. You need to love you.
Yitzi: In your opinion, what are the most common mistakes people make when they go through a divorce and what can be done to avoid that?
Mechelle: I think they act erratically and emotionally. I know it’s hard and it’s painful, but you cannot act emotionally. If you act out of emotion instead of logic, you’re going to make decisions based on that and you’re not going to get the outcome that you want. A year or two later you’re going to be looking at it and thinking “shoulda coulda woulda.” That makes you feel even worse.
When I was going through my divorce, I was so logical about it. I was hurting — people were saying “You’re so strong” while I felt like I was dying inside — but I knew what was important to me. I figured out, “Okay, yes, I have to go through this, but what do I need to make sure Mechelle and her girls feel okay?”
Yitzi: Do you have any favorite books or podcasts or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers about how to thrive and survive during a divorce or after a divorce?
Michelle: There is this great book coming out January 27th called “When the Shhh Isn’t Funny Anymore.” That book is ideal. A podcast that I really love is Mel Robbins. I like her. She’s genuine and honest. I feel like she could be my neighbor or I could see her in the grocery store. It’s not all made up where everything is perfect. I feel like we could just sit down and have a conversation over tea or coffee. I think that’s what people want. They want genuine, honest, real conversations. She covers everything.
Yitzi: So this is our final aspirational question. Michelle, because of your amazing work and the platform that you’ve built, you’re a person of tremendous influence. If you could spread an idea or inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Michelle: I think it would be: Love yourself. If I can love me, I can love you. But if I don’t love myself, how can I treat you well? That would be it in a nutshell. If we get everyone to just love themselves and feel good about themselves, then everyone could be good and nice and treat others with kindness and love.
Yitzi: How can our readers continue to follow your work? How can they purchase your book? How can they support you in any possible way?
Michelle: I’m on Instagram as Michelle McCain. My website is MechelleMcCain.com. My book is on BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com, and everywhere that books are sold.
Yitzi: Amazing. Mechelle, it was so delightful to meet you. Wish you continued success and good health. I hope we do this again next year.
Mechelle: Sounds good. It was so nice to meet you. Thank you for taking your time with me.
Méchelle McCain on Divorce, Identity and Learning to Rebuild When Life Falls Apart was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.