Nick Lasky of the Society for Awakening Souls On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love
Focus on Becoming a Better Lover Yourself — I could easily have put this first, but being an astrologer I had to give the astrological its fair due. This point is about developing yourself as an optimal partner. Are you a loving person yourself? Dependable? Patient? Empathetic? Strong? Supportive? Are you not good or even afraid of being alone? That is a great sign that you will project a great too many emotional needs onto your partner and suck the life right out of them. Focus on becoming more self-sustainable and whole within yourself first. Then allow a partner to be a glorious bonus in your life.
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Nick Lasky.
Nick Lasky is a professional astrologer and spiritual teacher based in Richmond, Virginia. He is the founder of the Society for Awakening Souls, the Cacao Men’s Circle, and was the author of Explore Awareness Magazine’s astrology column ‘Your Lucky Stars.’ Having offered 5,000+ individual readings over the past decade, and with the majority of clients curious about their love life, Nick is deeply seasoned with practical wisdom when it comes to relationships and dating.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in the beautiful mountains of southwest Virginia and from an early age was attracted to all things soccer, music, theatre, dancing, friends, and anything that involved laughter. In school I was eager to ease the suffering of my fellow students by dutifully assuming the role of class clown. Growing up in a middle-class neighborhood in the predominantly white suburbs but attending school in the city with an extremely diverse body of students and friends, I learned about the wide spectrum of culture, world view, and life experience at an early age.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
As a spiritual teacher specializing in numerous topics, my mission is to assist people in better understanding themselves and unlocking their inherent power to create a meaningful and beautiful life. Specializing in astrology, but also tarot and meditation, I empower students with tools they can access directly that will help them in their journey of self-actualization.
I currently teach varying levels of astrology, how to read tarot cards, and meditation trainings. I am equally passionate about sharing sacred ceremonies that create a container for people to connect directly with the divine or, if you prefer, a higher spiritual plane. I also offer private consultations geared towards a variety of topics. Relationships tend to be the most popular, but I also offer astrological birth chart readings, predictive readings, and I use astrology for auspicious timing for things like weddings or business launches.
I had an earth-shattering spiritual awakening in 2012 which led me to the highest spiritual highs and a devastating dark night of the soul. As the smoke was clearing, I began working at a metaphysical shop that offered psychic readings. I quickly began apprenticing in both astrology and tarot with an internationally renowned psychic television star, John J Oliver. The rest is history as I have spent more than a decade evolving my craft, my specialities, and curated offerings.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Courage — Attending the #1 ranked undergraduate business school in the country and being set on a traditional career path then quickly transitioning into becoming a professional astrologer and psychic did not happen without a healthy serving of resistance, both internal and external. It took a great amount of courage to break away from the “safe and successful” mold that I had been cast in. With an unknown future, dubious acceptance from society at large, and warnings from family members and close friends, I decided to walk a different path. I trusted in myself and the yearning in my soul, but importantly had the courage to keep going when many road signs along the way were flashing “Do Not Enter.” Along the journey, there have also been many ‘leap of faith’ moments where the courage to go for it created success on the other side. The first time I ever gave a professional reading and the first time I ever got in front of a room to teach spiritual development to a class with people mostly three times my age certainly required courage.
- Devotion — Throughout the years, I have been devoted to my studies, my path, and my community. In the early years, I dedicated four hours a night at least three days a week to reading astrology books. I have consciously decided to say ‘no’ to many invitations and opportunities that would have distracted me from my path. Since I jumped into this world, I have known that my spiritual work and offerings are my life and where I’m heading. This devotion has led me to beautifully transformative experiences that if I had not entered into some cocooning periods, I would never have found my butterfly wings. For example, every summer since 2013 I have participated in a 10-day, 100-hour meditation retreat, which is as grueling as you can imagine, but equally as rewarding.
- Fortitude — To make it in my field, starting from the ground up, you need a great reservoir of fortitude. There were several classes I taught where one, three, or zero people showed up! There were plenty of days when no one booked me for a reading. I could have easily gotten discouraged. But fortitude is the engine inside that keeps you going regardless of challenges, appearances, or dejecting experiences. Fortitude is an instrumental virtue I believe that is necessary not only for career success, but in relationships, mental health, and every area of life.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am writing a book about spiritual awakening and wisdom necessary for those already on or burgeoning onto the spiritual path. It will be a comprehensive practical guide filled with techniques, maxims, and practices. It will also be filled with absolutely outrageous as well as easily relatable stories. These will help seekers know that they are not just out on an isolated existential island and that what they have experienced or are journeying through is part of a larger process that has been happening for millennia, though our current Western society doesn’t quite know what to do with it.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
Having given over 5,000 individual readings to clients, at least 60% of which have been focused on love, relationships, and dating. Astrology provides brilliant and accessible insights into these topics. With my experience and knowledge of the stars, I am very versed in what works, what people tend to overlook, and how our personal astrological alignments play a huge part in the successes and failures of our love life.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
Perhaps the most common blunder in the journey of finding love is not being able to create love from within, coupled with the presumption that love is something you find outside of yourself. Many hopeful lovers place a disproportionate amount of expectation onto partners. Do not fall into the trap of believing someone else is going to “complete you.” If you are overly focused on ‘finding the right person,’ or ‘finding the one,’ this can often be accompanied with the unconscious expectation that there is someone out there who is going to perfectly match up with your personality and when you just find that person everything will be hum-da-dee perfectly blissful union “for the rest of our days.”
Relationships require work. Part of that work is generating the love yourself and filling yourself with it and then sharing it with a partner. If you are on a hungry tour around the modern dating scene looking for a partner that will “complete you,” then you might unconsciously be a vampire! But seriously, a great maxim to live by is “regardless of the external world, if you continue to cultivate and offer love, you will never be without love a day of your life.”
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
Modern Dating Myth #1: In modern times you have to use apps or dating sites.
I know so many clients who refuse to get on dating apps or sites and continue to be successful when it comes to meeting people and building new relationships. Let’s be real, dating apps are not for everyone. Some people prefer engaging in the romantic field more organically and with less formality. There are innumerable occasions to meet potential partners in person these days. And no you do not have to go to a bar if you don’t want to! Live music, meetup groups, classes, seminars, wellness retreats, trivia nights, outdoor adventures, and the list goes on and on! This is not to say these technologies should be avoided, but they are simply not for everyone.
Modern Dating Myth #2: There are no good men in this city.
We can easily fall into the trap of believing the grass is always greener on the other side. Be very wary of believing that there are no good matches where you live. If you look around your city, I am sure you can find happily married and coupled partners! Somehow they did it. This can be an easy excuse to fall back on, but the truth is there are wonderful people everywhere.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
Remember that we’re all navigating this strange-modern-digital-culturally-morphing soup together. If you’re finding dating in this era frustrating, don’t just keep trying to beat a square peg into a round hole over and over again. Take a break from focusing on finding love and take a few months where your goal is simply to go out into the world, live your life, and have fun. If you are in a cycle of burnout because your love life seems “hopeless,” then stop looking for love! Heal your relationship with yourself and focus your energies within or on cultivating your current or new friendships. Oftentimes when we let go of a grasping focus of how life needs to be, the very thing that you are desiring will open up to you in unexpected ways.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
Let’s be honest, social media can be a black hole. At the same time, it can be an immensely useful tool in connecting with people.
Don’t: Spend hours and hours every day sucked into social media. A foundational metaphysical principle is wherever you put your attention will grow. If you focus much time and attention on social media, the vortex of social media being a predominant space in your life will grow. Instead, if you focus on in-person time, dates, events, and gatherings with friends, then your in-person relationships will flourish more.
Don’t: Get caught up in comparing yourself to others. It can hyper-inflate in your mind what you perceive you don’t have or what you are missing and create a destructive self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do: Remember that humans have had very successful dating careers and relationships for thousands of years without social media!
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Do: Be authentic and straightforward. Don’t waste your time or anyone else’s time with an avatar that does not genuinely represent you.
Don’t: Spend all your free time on dating apps. It can take you over and keep you always aware that there might be someone better out there, which can take you away from being present with whoever you are with.
Don’t: Always go for the same type. Try someone who is a bit more quirky or has a different background or life focus than you would typically date. The contrast and shift from your norm can often bring you to learn things about yourself you would otherwise never have realized.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
Do: Do spend time in spaces that you actually enjoy. Participate in events or gatherings where you are naturally inclined aside from looking for love. This is where you will meet your people. Connections at these spaces inherently begin with shared common interests and values, and you are more likely to authentically be yourself and find a good match.
Do: Be bold. If you have your eye on someone and are ruminating about whether you should go talk to them. Go!!! Don’t let the moment pass and watch them leave and feel bad that you didn’t have the courage to go see. You may quickly get the gist that they are not interested or alternatively, you may be kicking yourself as to why you didn’t go say hello earlier! Knowing is better than regretting.
Do: Compliment people. Complimenting someone’s shoes, hair, smile, or dog is always an easy way to break the ice and talk to someone new. Don’t be overly gratuitous lest you seem overly thirsty, but people generally love to receive compliments and it can open many people up to a longer conversation.
Do: Relax. Take the pressure off of yourself that you always need to be on the lookout for a lover.
Don’t: Spend time looking for love in places you would never go to otherwise. If you do not drink alcohol or don’t enjoy going to bars, don’t spend time at bars looking for a partner! You are more likely to meet people who ultimately don’t share the same values as you. Also, you will be prone to putting on a mask in environments you do not naturally resonate with and thus conceal a part of your nature, which down the road just wastes everyone’s time!
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
We have probably all seen both beautiful successes with workplace romance as well as calamitous catastrophes. Let’s face it. If you are looking for a partner and are around the same people every week, when you are attracted to a coworker it can be extremely hard to say “let’s just be coworkers” when that attraction is mutual.
Here you really want to test the waters before you dive in. Because if you dive in too deeply it can upset the waters for everyone in the pool. Whether you try to or not, your relationship will affect everyone else at your place of work to some degree or another.
My advice is to tread cautiously and focus more of your attention outside of work. But should a great match arise in your work relationships, be very mindful, pragmatic, and slow-going, so that if things take a different turn, you can maintain equanimity and avoid causing major office tension.
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
Vulnerability and authenticity are vital components of a healthy, long-lasting, meaningful relationship. This tends to be a bit more challenging for men, but everyone should take note here. If you cannot be vulnerable enough to let someone in, a partner will not truly know you. This prevents intimacy and the most beautiful nectar that relationships have to offer!
You must pay especially close attention to these two dimensions in the first two years of a relationship. Why? It is always at the beginning of relationships that we really try to impress partners and perform as our “best selves.” This is one of the reasons why the two-year mark is a very common time marker for when relationships end. This is actually an astrological phenomenon known as a “Mars Cycle.” It takes the frisky planet Mars, the planet governing our sexual drive, approximately two years to make a full revolution around the Sun. Essentially, after the first Mars Cycle completes, the animal, physical, and chemical attraction conjoining two people together can no longer be the only glue that sustains a relationship. This is the critical point where many “happy couples” finish their honeymoon phase and realize that a long-term relationship actually requires work. It will not sustain itself without a deeper commitment to the relationship and exerting more effort.
So to save yourself from going too far down a road with a lover that will eventually not be a good fit, you must eventually allow yourself to become increasingly vulnerable, coupled with your honest authenticity. You can also invite a reluctant partner into their own vulnerability by leading by example.
We are all on a journey of becoming more and more of our authentic selves. So be as authentic as you can be. But the moment you realize a partner is not being authentic and is wearing a thick mask or you feel a dissonance here, gently invite the charade to end. And if it doesn’t, time for the door!
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”?
1 . Know What You Need in a Relationship
There can be quite a difference between your deepest needs and what you are attracted to. In astrology, your emotional needs that must be fulfilled are revealed by your Moon sign. This sign, which is typically different than your Sun sign, indicates what feeds and nourishes your emotional center. This is ultimately the most important dynamic of your self that needs to be satisfied and taken care of for a relationship to be long-lasting and healthy.
For example, you may be super attracted to very masculine men, macho guys, “bad boys,” or the like.. but if you have the moon in the sign of Cancer, you will on a deeper level need emotional intimacy, a sense of emotional security, and a partner that can be present with your sensitivity. Some macho men may be able to embody these more vulnerable traits, but most probably cannot. The Taurus moon needs regular physical touch, sensual connection, and stability whereas a Leo moon needs passion, excitement, and romance.
2 . Know What You Desire in a Lover
Your Venus sign on the other hand reveals what you are attracted to, what you desire, and how you tend to seek pleasure. Though in the long run this must play second fiddle to our emotional needs, it is still vitally important to know what type of personality traits, energies, and experiences will provide us with the most resonant sense of fun, pleasure, and erotic fulfillment.
For example, if your Venus is in Scorpio, you will be very attracted to a partner that is deep, mysterious, and sexual. Or alternatively, if your Venus is in Gemini, you will tend to be more attracted to a sharp mind, wit, great conversation, and someone who is equally as social as you are. If your prospective or current partner is not able to meet you in these personally important arenas, they will not keep your interest but for so long.
3 . Be Able to Distinguish the Two
You must be able to discern your needs and your desires. Ultimately if your emotional needs aren’t met, you can be with the sexiest, most incredibly fun, and exciting partner that you are over the moon about! But in the long run, it will not last. So unless you’re just looking to have fun, know your needs and focus on them in a partner first.
For example, if your Venus is in Sagittarius you will be very attracted to adventure, playfulness, travel and having a lot of fun. But if your Moon sign is Capricorn, your emotional needs indicate that security and dependability, at the end of the day, will make you feel most safe and supported in a relationship. If you’ve met someone whose life seems like a total adventure but is totally broke, it won’t last long! Your best bet is to find someone who takes care of business, is reliable, yet is able to come out and play with you as well.
4 . Know Your Most Compatible Signs
Knowing which zodiac signs you naturally will tend to be quite compatible with can really help in the search for the optimal partner. These combinations are often very complementary or supportive. These are by no means the only combinations that work, however, these will tend to be more natural and easier-flowing connections.
Aries — Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Leo, Sagittarius
Taurus — Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio
Gemini — Aquarius, Libra, Leo, Sagittarius, Aries
Cancer — Pisces, Scorpio, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo
Leo — Aries, Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Virgo — Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Libra — Aquarius, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aries
Scorpio — Pisces, Cancer, Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus
Sagittarius — Leo, Aries, Aquarius, Libra, Gemini
Capricorn — Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer
Aquarius — Gemini, Libra, Aries, Sagittarius, Leo
Pisces — Scorpio, Cancer, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo
5 . Focus on Becoming a Better Lover Yourself
I could easily have put this first, but being an astrologer I had to give the astrological its fair due. This point is about developing yourself as an optimal partner. Are you a loving person yourself? Dependable? Patient? Empathetic? Strong? Supportive? Are you not good or even afraid of being alone? That is a great sign that you will project a great too many emotional needs onto your partner and suck the life right out of them. Focus on becoming more self-sustainable and whole within yourself first. Then allow a partner to be a glorious bonus in your life.
There are a few recommendations I have in this regard: meditation, therapy, self-development courses or books, “shadow work,” and learning about your personal astrology chart. There are innumerable ways to develop yourself, but if you think you’ve figured it all out and that you don’t need to change and all you need to find is the perfect match that will click into your personality, let me know how long that strategy works!
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
Books: Astrology for Lovers by Liz Greene or Astrology: Using the Wisdom of the Stars in your Everyday Life by Carole Taylor
Podcasts: Aubrey Marcus Podcast and the DejaBlu Podcast — There are many discussions about conscious relationships.
Learn to Meditate: Transcendental Meditation, Self Realization Fellowship, Zen Buddhism Meditation, Mindfulness Meditation Trainings, and your local meditation teachers!
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Meditation. I truly believe that meditation is the ultimate practice that will assist you in becoming more of your true self. Self-knowledge, self-awareness, and empathy are some of the most important dimensions that would immensely help the state of the world today. From politics to interpersonal relationships, and from mental health and the loneliness epidemic to an increasingly stressful and amped-up digital world. We all need to meditate and cultivate these inner muscles more than ever to steer humanity toward a wiser and more balanced direction.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Website: www.NickLasky.com — I also have a weekly email newsletter with astrological updates and guidance.
IG: @nick.lasky
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Nick Lasky of the Society for Awakening Souls On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.